A month old :)

It's 28th Dec. today..

exactly a month back on the same date and same time i got married to AH.

I remember everything..walking towards him, glancing in his eyes and exchanging short smiles...

It was a beautiful day..just like i had imagined....

There's a lot to mention.....stuff will come in next posts..

This month was just splendid :)

Cheers to our love!

2 become 1 - Part One

24 days left...

Marriage is a big thing in anybody's life. it brings about so many new aspects in us.

From being single to become a couple.

Am happy that i found my life partner just like i had thought. Actually i never gave a serious thought about "the guy" until last year when AH entered into the scene :)

I had never believed that internet could play a magic trick and bring two strangers together :) amen! well it happened for the good....

Lot of time has passed since our first interaction till date...

We have learnt a lot about our relationship, understood each other, we have fought and made up, realized the meaning of love, and sharing the lives together.

And yet, i feel a bit scared..(maybe these are pre-marital goosebumps)...like any other girl, i so much look forward to this big day of my life...there are so many things to be done when we start our new life together...yeah..have thought a lot about it...many a times made plans, changed them and re-made them...

I feel more responsible for my words/actions...(gosh sometimes i just wonder the little girl inside me does not want to become a woman..crazeeeeeee!)

As i have resigned from my office, have loads of time to indulge upon myself....

I have started to cook...mom's recipes and cookery books are my new interests.

By the way, it's a universal thing - "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach"..okay fine..so what's the way to a woman's heart?

hmmmm hard to figure out i guess :)

The "I do" moment of my life

The day is coming nearer. My anxiety, happiness and excitement is soaring high.

It's a new phase, a new beginning.

I will miss my parents of course..my office desk, my office PC (for some strange reason, i like making folders within folders and naming them meticulously), my tailor who "understands" my concern for proper fitting , my parlor {yeah..they are so important in my world...how girly:) }

Oh yeah, and I will be moving in with a man i love/admire/fight/can't live without :) hmmm.....pretty interesting!

all those rom-com movies with subtle scenes and dialogues between newlywed couples hover in my mind...the whole "married" thing will be weird coz i very much enjoy my "ms. status" :)

its not so simple choosing bed sheets / curtains / furniture when one has got so many choices around...we will select the best ones... it's going to be a fun ride for me and AH.

I never thought it will be so filmy-types when it will happen to me :)

Anyway, shopping, invitations, menu, decorations blah blah blah...are being placed in order..which is a never ending story! It's all happening so fast and at random...

I will be witnessing my big fat Indian wedding pretty soon.

Just beautiful!

Remember those walls I built

Well, baby they're tumbling down

And they didn't even put up a fight

They didn't even make up a sound

I found a way to let you in

But I never really had a doubt

Standing in the light of your halo

I got my angel now

It's like I've been awakened

Every rule I had you breakin'

It's the risk that I'm takin'

I ain't never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I'm looking now

I'm surrounded by your embrace

Baby I can see your halo

You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need and more

It's written all over your face

Baby I can feel your halo

Pray it won't fade away

I can feel your halo halo halo

Hit me like a ray of sun

Burning through my darkest night

You're the only one that I want

Think I'm addicted to your light

I swore I'd never fall again

But this don't even feel like falling

Gravity can't forget

To pull me back to the ground again

Feels like I've been awakened

Every rule I had you breakin'

The risk that I'm takin'

I'm never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I'm looking now

I'm surrounded by your embrace

Baby I can see your halo

You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need and more

It's written all over your face

Baby I can feel your halo

Pray it won't fade away

I can feel your halo...

- Beyonce's Halo!

Gymmie Gymmie Gymmie

Yes..I have joined the gym. I am very glad that finally this is happening. My diet is also super cool and am strictly avoiding my favorite 3 Cs - Cheese, Chips and Coca Cola :)

In a way, it is nice as I am getting up early in the morning which had been on a constant mental denial since many months. Also, I will sleep let's say 11-ish at night which means reading till midnight will be only on weekends! Anyway, I can manage everything to get back into my slimmer shape.

Another great thing.....Monday is surprisingly less annoying. Redial is on leave for 2 days..and I am super duper ecstatic about this :)

A happy weak ahead!

So true!

Love alone is capable of uniting living beings in such a way as to complete and fulfill them, for it
alone takes them and joins them by what is deepest in themselves.

- Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

It's only words

Sometimes we do not need words to convey our feelings. Silence and eyes can do the needful. And yet sometimes, we wait crave to hear certain words. And when they are said; the joy is everlasting.

*Title lifted from Boyzone's evergreen track..It's only words.

"...this world has lost its glory
let's start a brand new story
now my love
you think that I don't even mean
a single word I say

it's only words
and words are all I have
to take your heart away"

An ode to "Useless"

"Computers are useless. They can only give you answers."
Pablo Picasso

"I am not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information."

Bill Watterson

P for Possessive

Who is more possessive - I or AH?

it will be fun to watch in coming days :)

June at its best!

Last week was good..no...too good!

a. Being with AH in the most wanted way :)

b. Chi-Chi became a couple "officially"

c. I wore my greenish brown Saree and flaunted it like anything

d. Took as many snaps as possible

e. Got 2 novels from AH: The Zoya Factor & My Feudal Lord, A&F's T-shirts & chocolates

f. 106 was a level higher than 511..more meaning added to the nos.

g. Took my ukhana with AH's name in it :)

just superb!

Open your mouth ..ha ha ha!

I am going to my dentist today....feeling sick already :(

Finished reading the last novel yesterday. Need to get something really good!

Want to read THE GREAT INDIAN NOVEL by Shashi Tharoor.

Crisis of Self-Identification

Yes yes. Here it comes. Self-identification. Self-obsessed me. But this time, it's little different.

Yesterday at dinner, my Sci-Fi uncle asked me this very simple question: How are you?

And I replied..I am fine. I usually say the same thing whenever anybody asks me about my well being etc. etc.

And then while I was eating, i just thought for a while...and said ..actually I am not fine. But I am not sad either. So, will that account for being "fine"?

He laughed and asked me...how is your work going on? I said pretty good and am coming back home on time as well. I said on personal level too..everything is calm, nice and there are no complaints.

And then came this big concept of self-identification. My dad as usual was commenting on "live life king size...and living in the present" philosophy and my mom was coming up with new questions related with the big one. I was trying to finish my brinjal curry simultaneously thinking about AH and the episode of Castle which i wanted to see.....

However I asked him, how are you? To this, he said, I am OK. Well see...that's the standard thing people say...no one ever says I am happy...because, it is not a permanent state..there is nothing like absolute happiness for mortals.

Well this discussion led to many perspectives. I have started to believe that we are never satisfied for a long period of time.

Despite living a good life (with a career of my choice, with a life partner of my choice,) something remains lacking....on a spiritual level. On a macro level, there is this universe, world, my country, my state, my city, my society, my home, my family and then I. How small is my existence in physical sense. Of course, I have touched many lives.. :) yet, when it comes to the connection with self..it's not there.

I am a religious person..not much but I believe in Almighty..and pray to God everyday before leaving for office..and before going to sleep I do the same. That is one habit that I follow ever since I was in school. Is it just a habit? no can't be because I earnestly pray...and in my prayers I ask for the well being of my parents and family..and myself. I pray to God to be with me in all situations...to give me strength to do the right thing.

In management classes, we were told to believe in the concept of "we". And I appreciate all that stuff. But it is so superficial. There is so much of "I", "me" and "myself"....everywhere.

I try to justify my mistakes with myself knowing that it's all crap until I accept what I have done was not correct.

Ohh there is some much going on in my mind...

Work.Life.

If only... the rains could wash the pain!

I am sad. Being sad is a recurring story. I can realize that my last post was written in a similar mood. And today when I write this, I feel just the same.

It rained in Ahmedabad last night. It was enthralling to smell the wet mud, listening to the birds chirping on balcony, watching the purple color of sky, feeling the cool breeze. I was so lazy. I tried to read for some time. But chose to sleep instead. Like that was going to help. How vain our efforts can be? We live in some self-created illusionary state.

Anyway, I listened to the songs playing on radio. To my surprise, the first song I listened was Ronan Keating’s “when you say nothing at all” and it left me with so many unsaid things. I waited for AH’s call. My cell vibrated at 11:05 pm and I answered half-heartedly. I anticipated that we will talk about something else. But we did not. And then I slept.

I woke up early with the same droning mood… I did not recall seeing any dreams also. I checked my cell for any message. There wasn’t any. Finally he called. It was cliché of last night...whoa...Could it be any more serious…duh! I feel so vacant right now.

Anyway, I don’t have much time to extend this post. Got a presentation to finish.

Damsel in dismal mood :(

I am in a very bad mood. I do not feel like working. Want to go home and lie down on my bed with my face buried in pillow.

Good reads

Some books are so good that they leave an everlasting impression. Here are a few quotes which I like very much.

Shantaram - Gregory David Roberts

"Happiness is a myth. It was invented to make us buy things."

"Luck is what happens to you when fate gets tired of waiting."

"News is about what people do. Gossip is about how they enjoyed doing it."

"Every virtuous act has some dark secret in its heart; every risk we take contains a mystery that can’t be solved."

"I don't know what frightens me more, the power that crushes us, or our endless ability to endure it."

The Bridges of Madison County - Robert James Waller

"In a universe of ambiguity, this kind of certainty comes only once, and never again, no matter how many lifetimes you live."

"I’m not sure you’re inside of me, or that I am inside of you, or that I own you. At least i don’t want to own you. I think we’re both inside of another being we have created called ‘us’.”

Eleven Minutes - Paulo Coelho

"At every moment of our lives we all have one foot in a fairy tale and the other in the abyss."

"If I must be faithful to someone or something, then I have, first of all, to be faithful to myself."

Here I go again

I can never get enough of myself. Ever.

If I were a beginning, I would be: Beginning of the universe
If I were a month, I would be: September
If I were a day of the week, I would be: Friday
If I were a time of day, I would be: Not a day but Night
If I were a planet, I would be: Mars

If I were a season, I would be: Rainy
If I were a sea animal, I would be: Whale
If I were a direction, I would be: North
If I were a piece of furniture, I would be: Swing..to be more precise a hammock
If I were a sin, I would be: Lust…God forbid J

If I were a liquid, I would be: Water
If I were a fraud/scare, I would be: Doomed
If I were a gem, I would be: Diamond
If I were a tree, I would be: Banyan tree
If I were a tool, I would be: Screw driver..That’s the only tool I can remember at this time!
If I were a flower/plant, I would be: Lily

If I were a kind of weather, I would be: Hot
If I were a musical instrument, I would be: Piano
If I were an animal, I would be: Horse
If I were an emotion, I would be: Love
If I were a vegetable, I would be: Tomato

If I were a sound, I would be: Silence
If I were an element, I would be: Fire
If I were a car, I would be: Any SUV
If I were a song, I would be: You are still the one by Shania Twain
If I were a food, I would be: Pani Puri in Indian and Pizza in Italian

If I were a place, I would be: Ancient Greece
If I were a material, I would be: Paper
If I were a taste, I would be: Salty
If I were a scent, I would be: My own
If I were a religion, I would be: Peace

If I were a sentence, I would be: I love you
If I were a body part, I would be: Lips
If I were a facial expression, I would be: Smile
If I were a subject in college, I would be: History
If I were a shape, I would be: Circle

If I were a quantity, I would be: More
If I were a color, I would be: Green
If I were a thing, I would be: Book
If I were a landmass, I would be: Oasis
If I were a book, I would be: Entertaining like Mills & Boon

If I were a monument, I would be: Tall
If I were an artist, I would be: Madonna
If I were a collection of poems, I would be: It’s a tie between Gitanjali and Madhushala
If I were a watch, I would be: Showing wrong time
If I were God, I would be: Helping perhaps!

If I were a vowel, I would be: U
If I were a consonant, I would be: V
If I were a formula, I would be: love potion
If I were a Science, I would be: Physics
If I were a theory, I would be: Theory of Evolution

If I were a famous person, I would be: Glamorous
If I were an electronic equipment, I would be: Television
If I were sport, I would be: Cricket
If I were a movie, I would be: When Harry met Sally
If I were a cartoon, I would be: Jasmine

If I were an explorer, I would be: in Egypt
If I were a scientist, I would be: Inventing the time machine
If I were a relation, I would be: Mother
If I were a river, I would be: Saraswati
If I were intoxication, I would be: Chocolate

If I were alone, I would be: Thinking
If I were a question, then I would be: When?
If I were a hobby, I would be: Collecting things, making a scrapbook
If I were a habit, I would be: Getting up early...that would end my mom’s worries
If I were in an atom, I would be: Having magnetic elements

If I were an end, I would be: Happy
If I were you, I would be: Surprised

Gifted!

Received the perfect gift from AH. Wanted this book since long.

I am so happy :)